Dear Abby: A divorcee’s love life gets confusing. Maybe it’s time to slow down a bit
DEAR ABBY: Since my divorce, I have started dating again. I was seeing a firefighter until I realized he was married and had kids. Yes, I was mad at him for hiding the truth from me from the start. Then I started dating another guy who I thought was the one for me. I even made him move in with me.
At first things were going well, but now it has started to change. He doesn’t pay me as much attention as he used to, and he thinks that when I point out something I’m not comfortable with, I’m trying to start a fight, which I don’t. am not. Ever since COVID started and I got injured and couldn’t work, his attitude has been very bad with me. Unless it’s about him or his job, he doesn’t talk to me. My kids don’t like it as much as they do either.
I never lost contact with the firefighter. He is deeply in love with me, and I still love him. He says when I kick out the current man, he will move in and take care of me and treat me as I should be treated. If the fireman moves in, would that make me a homewrecker? He told me he and his wife weren’t doing well as a couple. I’m confused. I was very happy with him and also happy with the man who moved in with me — at first — but no more. What should I do? — THINK TWICE
DEAR THINKING TWICE: None of these men are “The One”. Because it’s obvious you’re not getting what you need from the man who lives with you, tell him, as nicely as possible, that you’re no longer happy with the arrangement, then set a date for him to move out.
If the firefighter moves in, you’ll look like a wrecker. Expect the fallout to be unpleasant. He is married and has children whom he will have to provide for until they are adults. He shouldn’t move in until he at least files for divorce and some sort of legal settlement is in the works. Moving in will not guarantee that life will henceforth be a bliss. It’s very important that you learn to be alone before jumping into a relationship without knowing men better – and for longer – than you did.
DEAR ABBY: I am a married woman in my 50s with two adult children and one grandchild. I work as a nurse. I wear my hair short because I have thick, unruly hair. One day at a local supermarket, I was walking the aisles looking for my husband. A man and his wife had a young girl about 6 years old with them. He called me a slang word for lesbian. I ignored him and kept walking. He looked annoyed that his word didn’t bother me. (I am not a confrontational person.)
When I got home, I was thinking about the incident. It bothered me that he was teaching his young daughter that it’s okay to call people names. When I see or meet people, I notice if they are nice and have good manners, I don’t wonder if they are gay or not. Was I right to ignore him and walk away? — TEXAS SHORT HAIR
DEAR SHORTHAIR: You were absolutely right to keep walking. There was nothing to be gained by trying to educate an ignorant homophobe who appears to have tried to start a fight. The best reaction you could have given was the one you did – which was to keep him from getting on your nerves. But I’m sorry you didn’t tell your husband when it happened.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.