“I am ready to join the dating game, but I am horrified by what I saw online”
I am a 61 year old female. I have been single for nine years. I took care of my health and my appearance. I have a romantic relationship with my three sons. Life in general is good. And now, for the first time in ages, I feel ready to embark on a romantic relationship – perhaps leading to a committed relationship.
Where do I start? I have tried a lot of dating sites, and to be honest I was shocked at some of the pictures and profiles posted by men my age (and a little younger) who really should be better informed!
I often feel lonely and think back to the good times I had spent a long time. It makes me feel depressed. I just want to jumpstart my life in the “silver years”. Where do I start?
– Dee, by e-mail
A I think the error in your last question is hidden in the sentence before it, namely “jump-start”. I don’t think it’s possible to create new relationships in a clear blue sky, whether we’re 61, 41, or 21. Life just isn’t like that.
You say you have had a depressing dating experience and I can assure you that you are not alone. Many men seem to see these sites as cheap pickup joints, or worse. But many do not and are sincere in their personal wills.
I would recommend patience and a high level of selectivity. Just like you would in the olden days, in a club or bar, or at a party, looking for conversation, company or something more, but without wanting to waste your time. At 61, you are still young, Dee, you have nothing to rush. But in the same way, no one is fooled, so apply your real-world knowledge, experience, and instincts to sort the wheat from the chaff online.
Don’t overlook the real world, come on. Everything you’ve enjoyed in life before – music, food, travel, dancing, theater – take the time to do it now. You don’t specify the ages of your boys, but I guess they piloted the chicken coop. Chances are, you’ve been building your life around them for a few years – now you can do whatever you want. New social relationships will flow from it if you let them – chances are you will meet someone this way.
But in the meantime, don’t be put off by dating sites. Many people find themselves in excellent, lasting and genuine relationships thanks to the Internet. You just need to develop a rigorous filter and, like I said, a lot of patience.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither did Dee – romance. Good luck!