On dating apps but still single? here’s why
First, we clean up these matches. We review the profile and decide whether or not to send a message. For those that don’t interest my client, we “mismatch” them, and for those that do, we send a short, often humorous message to get that person’s attention.
Once we’ve gone through the matches, we’re scanning a bit. I like the “50 swipes or five games – whichever comes first” rule of thumb. (On large sites like Match.com, try to send at least 10 messages a week.) Once we get new matches, we message them immediately. At the end of the hour, the client should have a date scheduled for that week. A little work, whether with my hand forcing it or not, to get a date or two lined up seems worth it to me.
I have a friend who is 43 years old, accomplished and beautiful. Every time I see her she complains about going out with her saying, “It’s so hard.” I love my friend, but it’s getting exhausting to hear.
During a weekend with her, I saw her go through Bumble several times. More than many, in fact. Pretty obsessive. But despite all that swiping, I never saw her message anyone. Not one. And she has no upcoming dates on the calendar.
Unfortunately, that’s how too many people date online…by not doing it. Whether it was laziness or just a defense mechanism to say, “I tried it and it didn’t work,” I don’t know.
If you need a new job, you take the time to write your resume, maybe do some practice interviews, buy some new clothes, and send your resume to as many suitable positions as possible. People don’t scour job postings just to see what’s out there, never send resumes, and then get upset that they haven’t found a job. And then, of course, there’s the interview, or, in this case, the date.
So much comes down to people realizing that anything worthwhile in life takes effort, time, and sometimes money.
Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often daunting world of online dating.