The Love Life of an Introvert

By on November 14, 2022 0

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The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.

Being introverted is hard. Especially when you’re in college where you feel like you’re the center of the party most of the time. Parties and social gatherings are the perfect places to mingle and find a potential mate, and it works for a lot of people. For many, reaching out to a person isn’t rocket science. They can come up and confidently ask someone for their phone number and then be the one to start the conversation the next day.

But what does dating look like to us introverts?

Well, the dating scene is definitely different for everyone. But, you’d be surprised how much the love lives of introverts share a similar story. And how does it start, you ask me? It starts with the fact that most of us introverts prefer a night out over a night out.

Since I was in college, I’ve only been to one party…and I absolutely hated it. I spent my weekend nights with my introverted suite mates lounging in our shared living room and watching our favorite movies or TV shows. And then on top of that, I go to bed around 10 a.m. to be alone and read or scroll through TikTok way longer than I should. Then when I read I fall in love with the fictional characters and complain that the men in real life are nothing like the fictional men. Do I sometimes feel like a loser? Absolutely. I’ve had many instances where I lay in bed and think to myself that I should go out and do something since I’m young and single. But then I face reality and remember how much I hate parties. At the only party I went to, I was very stiff and was also third with my friend and her date. As someone who doesn’t really drink, there’s really no way for me to let go and relax in this kind of environment, and my anxiety and self-awareness were at their peak at the time. -the. This experience alone took me away from Charleston’s nightlife. And while I’m aware that I don’t like those kinds of social settings, I still sometimes wonder ‘hm, why haven’t I ever had a boyfriend? Is there something wrong with my appearance?’. And of course the obvious argument for why I’ve never had a boyfriend is that I’m never really in a setting to talk to guys since I like to stick around. Also, I sit next to women in the majority of my classes, so I don’t talk to guys in that type of setting either. It’s really hard to be introverted and potentially want to date because you have to leave your bubble and your charging station to place yourself in a different environment. It’s anxiety-provoking, and I’ll never be jealous of people who can just show up and not be afraid of rejection. But also, if you’re like me and like a good night out rather than a night out, I promise you’re not a loser. You love what you love, and if it serves you in any way, then own it!

Do you remember what I mentioned about initiating conversations? Well, introverts are terrible at that.

Suppose you go to a party and see the cutest person you have ever seen in your life. If you’re introverted, I can guarantee you won’t be the one approaching them, even if you make eye contact. The problem with being introverted is that we are always in our own head. That being said, we fear rejection and try to avoid the anxiety of possibly being rejected. Many of us will always assume the worst. While an extrovert may approach the person they are watching, an introvert would already assume that their person is not interested or has made eye contact by accident. And that anxiety to start conversations doesn’t even have to be for in-person instances, it can be online too. For example, I have Tinder because it’s my only way to mingle with guys without going to parties. Whenever I match someone on Tinder, I’m never the one to start a conversation. Even though we’ve paired up before, I’m still afraid that if I say something they won’t respond or think I’m stupid. Even though I’m not even face to face with the person, I’m still afraid of being rejected. With that in mind, it’s always really hard to build relationships when I’m also lacking in confidence online. But, I have to admit, even though I still worry about getting rejected on dating apps, it’s much easier to talk to guys on this platform than in person!

Another aspect that we must consider is if we are surrounded by friends who already have relatives. It can even go for extroverts too!

When we’re surrounded by people who are dating and in the relationship stage, being in a relationship can rub your face. It’s like being in a relationship is put on a pedestal as something to achieve. The third wheel or being left alone in your living space because your friends are with their partner can make you feel like you need to be in a relationship too. I had a few dates over the past few months, but I wasn’t feeling it fully. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me because most people my age are dating and a lot of people in my personal life are in a relationship. So even after I left that person, I still tried my luck on Tinder and didn’t connect with the guys I was talking to. In these times when we try and try and try, we have to ask ourselves: do I really want to be in a relationship or do I think I should be in a relationship because everyone is? And I’m sure you can guess the answer to this one!

By going on dates and chatting with people on Tinder I realize that I am very independent and enjoying being single right now and maybe you are too! It’s so easy to force things when your environment makes you think you need to be in a relationship. That being said, there is nothing wrong with being single! If you feel fulfilled in the situation you find yourself in, that is enough. It’s your life, you Decide when you are ready to be in a relationship!

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